There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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