i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
