Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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