You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize