Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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