is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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