He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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