he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
