I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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