I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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