Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
