the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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