I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it glows. i had to have it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize