Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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