So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize