I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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