Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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