yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
