i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
