My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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