your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
