if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we're making bets on your personal life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize