Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
