Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
