I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
