O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize