dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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