My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love you.
Bad choice
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