Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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