I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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