I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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