she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
