someone threw a dead crab at me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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