he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize