So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
