So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
