you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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