My pussy is not your playground.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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