I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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