I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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