i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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