someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
