Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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