somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
