question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
