I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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