Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
