remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize