I want to have your abortion
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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