You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
