I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
