The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
