Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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