No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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