i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
