I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
