THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
