so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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