Fuck appropriateness.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
