yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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