Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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