You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
