Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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