You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
