This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
