dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
