38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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