I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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