I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
