I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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