Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
