hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
