Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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