A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
