so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
