I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
